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FAKED FISCHER INTERVIEW (2)
Anis, 20 April 2002
Based on an interview in the Frankfurter Rundschau on 20 April 02

Faked Reporter: Mister Foreign Minister Fischer.
Faked Fischer: No.
FR: Yes.
FFischer: Now let's see the realities.
FR: What about Israel?
FFischer: Israel has a right to defend itself.
FR: Everybody has, not only Israel.
FFischer: Yes, but that's different.
FR: Why?
FFischer: Because Israel is a democracy.
FR: And only ten kilometers away are...?
FFischer: The authoritarian regimes, thank you.
FR: Does peace have a chance after Powell's failure?
FFischer: I don't understand your question.
FR: Many people call for clear words addressed to the USA.
FFischer: No. Clear words are completely wrong.
FR: Really?
FFischer: Yes, they would only poison the climate.
FR: So we better don't talk about the fat chicken, right?
FFischer: The what?
FR: Jenin.
FFischer: Oh Jenin, yes, I have a statement.
FR: Which one?
FFischer: It is right what the UN says about investigations.
FR: You are very generous, Sir.
FFischer: That's why I am famous.
FR: Yes. About Sharon...
FFischer: Now wait a minute!
FR: Yes?
FFischer: Israel is a democracy.
FR: Sure, now Sharon...
FFischer: Now hold on!
FR: Well?
FFischer: Israel must not be condemned unilaterally.
FR: Anything else?
FFischer: Ah, yes: Israel's army must be superior to the Palestinians.
FR: And the killings in Jenin?
FFischer: What do you think you're knowing about that?
FR: Well, a massacre, that's what we saw in the news.
FFischer: Maybe it was only an accident. Do you know that?
FR: Well, they...
FFischer: So there you are. You have no idea about what's goin' on.
FR: Of course Sharon did...
FFischer: Now won't you shut up!
FR: So you think Jenin was alright?
FFischer: Look, if you only had an idea about the existential fears of Israel...
FR: Is it not all the same, killing and killing?
FFischer: No of course not. Look, they are Israelis!
FR: So?
FFischer: Have you never heard about kosher killing?
FR: Now this is disgusting, Mr. faked Foreign Minister.
FFischer: You are being anti-Semitic!
FR: Sharon has...
FFischer: Anti-Zionist! Anti-Semite! You are anti-everything.
FR: Sorry. Now, how will it go on?
FFischer: This is of course up to the quartet.
FR: Oh yes, USA + UN + EU + Russia.
FFischer: Yeah: the quartet.
FR: Ah, the quartet.
FFischer: The quartet will deal with this in its own good time.
FR: But can the quartet make it?
FFischer: Of course, it is the quartet.
FR: And what are the plans?
FFischer: Well, this is up to the quartet.
FR: Of course.
FFischer: You have no idea of how good the quartet really is.
FR: I think I can imagine.
FFischer: The Palestinians missed their chance under Barak.
FR: Too bad.
FFischer: Yes. You see, it's their own fault.
FR: Is this where the kosher killing thing is from?
FFischer: Israel must defend itself.
FR: What do you think about the human rights?
FFischer: Aaah, so you're picking on me now, are you!?
FR: Sorry, Sir. I meant: the Palestinians are completely violent.
FFischer: They are authoritarian.
FR: Palestinian is the Nigger of the world.
FFischer: Yet they are more civilized than their neighbors.
FR: What, neighbor countries, you mean?
FFischer: Yes, because the Palestinians have an idea about democracy.
FR: Because of the suffering?
FFischer: No, because of Israel.
FR: Oh yes, Israel, completely slipped my mind, Sharon...
FFischer: No, not Sharon! Democracy, I say.
FR: Oh yes, Ariel Democracy...
FFischer: Palestinian violence is anti-Semitic!
FR: You mean Palestinian resistance.
FFischer: Yes. It is authoritarian and inhumane.
FR: Have the Palestinians any rights at all?
FFischer: They have exactly the same rights as everybody else.
FR: But how, if they cannot criticize Israel?
FFischer: This is not my business.
FR: Mr. FFischer, you are such a tender person.
FFischer: Thank you, I do my best.
FR: So what if Israel commits another massacre?
FFischer: This is up to the Israelis and the Palestinians themselves.
FR: But President Rau just said...
FFischer: Look: the Palestinians live in permanent danger.
FR: The Palestinians?
FFischer: The Israelis, the Israelis, sorry!

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